Once upon a time
in a kingdom far far away
The king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.
And throughout the land everyone was happy.
...Until the sun went went down
...and they saw that their daughter were cursed with a freightful enchantment
...that took hold each and every night
...Desperate. They sought the help of a fairy god mother
...who had them lock the young princess away in a tower...
...there to await the kiss...
...of the handsome prince charming.
...It was he who would chance the perilous journey
through blistering cold and scorching desert
travelling for many days and nights
risking life and lip...
to reach the Dragon's keep.
For he was... the bravest...
and most handsome
...In all the land
And it was destiny
that his kiss
would break the dreaded curse.
He alone
would climb to the highest room
of the tallest tower
to enter the princess' chambers
cross the room to her sleeping silhouette
pull back the gossamer curtains
to find her...
What?
Princess Fiona?
NO!
Oh, thank Heavens!
Where is she?
She's on her honeymoon.
Honeymoon?!
With whom?
#So she said what's the problem baby#
#What's the problem I don't know#
#Well maybe I'm in love (love)#
#Think about it every time#
#I think about it Can't stop thinking 'bout it#
#How much longer will it take to cure this#
#Just to cure it cause I can't# #ignore it if it's love (love)#
#Makes me wanna turn around and face me# #but I don't know nothing 'bout love #
#Come on, come on# #Turn a little faster#
#Come on, come on # #The world will follow after#
#Come on, come on# #Cause everybody's after love#
#So I said I'm a snowball running#
#Running down into the spring# #that's coming all this love#
#Melting under blue skies# #Belting out sunlight, shimmering love#
#Well baby I surrender# #To the strawberry ice cream#
# Never ever end of all this love# #Well I didn't mean to do it#
#But there's no escaping your love#
#These lines of lightning#
#Mean we're never alone,# #Never alone, no, no#
#Come on, Come on# #Jump a little higher#
#Come on, come on# #If you feel a little lighter#
#Come on, come on# #We were once upon a time in love#
#Accidentally in love#
#Accidentally#
#I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love,# #I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love,#
#Accidentally in love#
#I'm in love# #I'm in love#
It's so... good to be home!
You and me and...
Two can be as bad as one
Donkey?
Shrek! Fiona!
Well, aren't you two a sight for sore eyes.
Give us a hug, Shrek.
You old love machine.
And look at you Mrs. Shrek
How about a side of sugar for the steed?
Donkey, what are you doing here?
I was just taking care of your love nest for you.
Oh, you mean sorting the mail
and watering the plants
Yeah, and feeding the fish.
I don't have any fish.
You do now.
I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona. Shrek is a nasty devil.
Oh, look at the time. I guess you'd better be going.
Don't you want to tell me all about the trip?
How about a game of parchese?
Actually donkey, shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon?
Oh, yeah. That...
I don't know she's been all moody and stuff lately.
So I thought I'd move back in with you guys.
Well you know we're always happy to see you, Donkey.
But Fiona and I are married now. We need a little time to be together.
Just with each other.
Alone.
Say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing.
I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you.
Donkey!
Yes, roomy.
You're bothering me.
OK...cool... I guess me and Pinnochio was gonna try to catch a tournament...,
so... maybe I'll see you all... Sunday...
He'll be fine. Now...
Where were we?
I think I remember.
Donkey!!!
I know, I know... alone. I'm going... I'm going.
Hey, what do you want me to tell these other guys?
Enough.
Dearest Princess Fiona.
You are hereby summoned to the kingdom of Far Far Away
for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage.
at which time the king will bestow his royal blessing
upon you and your...err... Prince Charming.
Love. The king and queen of Far Far Away.
A.K.A. Mom and dad.
Mom and dad?
Prince Charming?
A ball! Can I come?
We are not going.
What!!
I mean, don't you think they might be a bit shocked to see you... like this?
Oh, they might be a bit surprised.
But they are my parents, Shrek. They love me.
And don't worry. They are gonna love you too...
Yeah, alright. Somehow I don't think I'd be welcome at the country club.
Will you stop it. they are not like that.
Then how do you explain sergeant Pompous
and the Fancy Pants Club band?
Come on! You can at least give them a chance.
Oh, to do what? Sharping their pitchforks?
NO! They just wanna give you their blessing.
Great! Now I need their blessing?
If you wanna be a part of this family: yes.
And who says I wanna be part of this family?
You did? When you married me?
Well, there's some fine print for you.
Ah! So that's it. You won't come.
Trust me. It's a bad idea.
We are not going. And that's final.
Hey, come on, Shrek. We don't wanna hit traffic.
Don't worry. We'll take care of everything.
Hey, wait for me.
Move on!
Roll high.
Knock 'em out!
Count 'em dead.
Are we there yet?
No.
Are we there yet?
Not yet.
Hey, are we there yet?
No-o.
Are we there yet?
NO!
Are we there yet?
Yes
Really?
NOO!!!
Aren't we there yet?
NO!
Aren't we there yet?!!
No we are not.
ARE WE THERE YET?
NOO!!
Are we there yet? - Are we there yet?
Hey, that's not funny. - Hey, that's not funny.
Hey, that's really immature. - immature
See, this is why I don't like ogres. - don't like ogres.
I'm gonna just stop talking!
Finally!
But this is taking forever, Shrek.
And there ain't no flight movie or nothing.
The kingdom of Far Far Away, Donkey. That's where we're going.
FAR... FAR...away...
Alright, alright, I get it.
I'm just so bored.
Well, find a way to entertain yourself!
For five minutes.
Could you not be yourself?
FOR FIVE MINUTES!
ARE WE THERE YET?
Yes
Finally!
WELCOME TO FAR FAR AWAY
It's gonna be champagne wishes
and caviar dreams from now on.
We'll be back to pick you up later.
VERSARCHERY
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Yeah, we're definitely not in the swamp anymore
Hey, ladies ...yeah.
You work in that hat
Movie stuff.
Announcing the long awaited return of the beautiful Princess Fiona
and her new husband
Now, This is it.
This is it.
Why don't you guys go ahead. I'll park the car.
So, ...
You still think this is a good idea?
Of course...
Look. Mom and dad look happy to see us.
Who on earth are they?
I think that's our little girl.
That's not little. That's a really big problem!
Wasn't she supposed to kiss prince Charming and break the spell?
Well, he's no prince Charming but they do look...
Happy now?
We came. We saw them...
Now let's go before they light the torches.
They are my parents.
Hello, they locked you in a tower.
Hey, that was for my own...
Good! Here's our chance.
Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home.
Harold, we have to be...
Quick.
While they are not looking, we can make a run for it.
Shrek! Stop it! Everything's gonna be...
A disaster. They know...
You can do this.
But it's a really...
...really
Mom!
Dad!
I'd like you to meet my husband. Shrek.
Well... Ooh...Aah... It's
easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from...
He... he...
Excuse me.
Better out than in I always say eh, Fiona?
I guess not.
What do you mean, I'm not on the list?
Don't tell me you don't know who I am?
He hey! What's happening everybody? Thanks for waiting.
NO! NO! Bad donkey, bad! DOWN!
No, no, dad, it's alright. He's with us.
He helped rescue me from the dragon.
Yeah, that's me, the noble steed.
Hey, waiter. How about a bowl for the steed?
Oh, boy...
Ah... Shrek...
Yeah?... Oh, sorry...
Great soup, Mrs. Q
No, no, no...Darling.
So... Fiona. Tell us about where you live.
Well... Shrek owns his own land.
Don't you, honey?
Yes... He, he.
It's in an enchanted forest.
abundant in squirrels and... cute little duckies, and...
What?!
I know you ain't talking about the swamp.
Donkey.
An ogre from a swamp. Oh, how original.
Well, I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children.
It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it?
Indeed! I've just started eating.
What's that supposed to mean?
Dad!
It's clean, OK?
Well, for his type - yes.
My TYPE?
I'm... going to the bathroom...
Dinner is served.
Never mind. I can hold it.
Bon appetit!
Oh, Mexican food! My favourite!
Well, let's not just sit here with our tummies rumbling. Everybody dig in.
Don't mind if I do, Lillian.
So, I suppose the grand children I could expect from you would be...
Ogres. Yes.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that,
right Harold?
Oh, no. Of course not.
That is assuming you don't eat your own young.
Dad!
Oh, no! We usually prefer the ones that've been locked away in a tower...
Shrek! Please.
I only did that because I loved her.
Oh, aye. Day care in dragon guarded castle.
You wouldn't understand. You're not her father.
It's so nice to have the family together for dinner.
Harold! - Shrek!
Fiona. - Fiona.
Mom! - Harold.
Don-key.
Your fallen tears have called to me.
So here comes my sweet remedy.
I know what every princess needs.
For her to live life happily...
Ah! -Ah!
Oh, my dear.
Look at you... heh, heh
You're all... hm...
grown up.
Err, who are you?
Oh, this is Sweet Pea. I am your fairy godmother.
I have a fairy godmother?
Sh, now don't worry. I'm here to make it all better.
with... just... a...
wave of my magic wand your troubles will soon be gone.
with a flick of a wrist and just a flash
you'll land a prince with a ton of cash. Ha-ha.
A high priced dress made by mice no less!
some crystal glass pumps and no more stress!
Worries will vanish your soul will dance
Confide in your very own furniture friends
We'll help you set a new fashion trend!
I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great!
the kind of girl a prince would date.
They'll write your name on the bathroom wall
For happy ever after- give Fiona a call!
Swirling cash, arrive in style..
sexy men my chauffer Kyle.
Vanish your blemishes, tooth decay
say light thighs we'll pay the way
a roll in the the hay a new chauffeur’s day
Nip and tuck here and there, to land that prince with the perfect hair.
lipstick, liner, shadows, blush...
to get the prince with the sexy tush.
Lucky day, up boo bay.
Hear you swoon on the moon
with the prince do this tune
Don’t be drab you'll be fab
Have some chicken fricassee
Look...
Thank you very much fairy godmother but...
I really don't need all this.
Fiona?
FIONA!
Oh! You got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo.
Oh!... Ah...
Fairy godmother,
furniture...
I'd like you to meet my husband... Shrek.
Your husband?!
What!?
When did this happen?
Shrek is the one who rescued me.
But that can't be right!
Oh, great! More relatives.
She's just trying to help.
Good. She can help us pack.
Get your coat dear. We're leaving.
What? - Leaving? I don't wanna leave.
When did you decide this?
Shortly after arriving.
Look... I err... I'm sorry.
No, no, that's alright. I need to go anyway.
But remember dear,
If you should ever need me...
Happiness... is just a teardrop away.
Thanks. But we've got all the happiness we need. Happy! Happy! Happy!
So I see.
Let's go Kyle.
Very nice. Shrek.
What? I told you coming here was a bad idea.
you could have at least tried to get along with my father.
Somehow I think I wasn't gonna get daddy's blessing, even if I did want it.
Do you think it might be nice if somebody asked me what I wanted?
Sure. Do you want me to pack for you?
You're unbelievable!
You behave like a...
Go on, say it!
Like an ogre!
Well, here's a news flash for you. Whether your parents like it or not...
I am an ogre.
And guess what, princess? That's not about to change.
I made changes for you, Shrek. think about that.
That's real smooth, Shrek. I'm an ogre! Arrrgh!
I knew this would happen!
You should. You started it.
I can hardly believe that Lillian, I mean Lily
He's the ogre, not me!
I think Harold, you're taking this a little too personally.
This is Fiona's choice.
Yes, but she was supposed to choose the prince we picked out for her!
And you expect me to give my blessings to this... this... thing?!
Fiona does. And she'll never forgive you if you don't.
I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold.
Oh, you act as if love is totally predictable.
Don't you remember when we were young and...
we used to walk down by the lily pond...
They were in bloom.
Our first kiss...
It's not the same.
I don't think you realize that our daughter
has married a monster!
Oh, stop being such a drama king.
Fine! Pretend there's nothing wrong. La-di-da-di-das
Oh, wonderful! How can it get any worse!
Hello, Harold.
What happened?
Nothing, nothing, dear...
just the old crusade wound... playing up a bit, ha-ha-ha...
I'll err... just stretch it out here for a while...
You'd better get in.
We need to talk.
Actually, fairy godmother... just off to bed
Already taken my pills. Tend to make me... a bit drowsy...
So...err... how about... we make this a quick one?
Oh...err....hello...
So?... What's new?
Do you remember my son... prince Charming?
Charming? Is that you? My gosh! It's been years...
A...err... when... when... did you get back?
Oh, about five minutes ago, actually
after I endured blistering winds, scorching desert...
I climbed to the highest room in the tallest...
Mommy can handle this.
He endures blistering winds and scorching deserts
He climbs to the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower...
and what does he find?
Some gender confused wolf telling him that his princess...
has already married.
It wasn't my fault. He didn't get there in time.
STOP THE CAAAR!
Harold.
You force me to do something I really don't want to do!
Where are we?
Welcome!
May I take your order?
My diet is ruined! Now I hope you're happy.
OK...Two Renaissance ...
I'll have the medieval meal.
One medieval meal, and... Harold, curly fries?
No, no, thank you.
Harold,.... what do you want?
No, really, I'm fine...
Your order, fairy godmother.
And this comes with medieval meal.
Here you are, dear.
You see, we made a deal. Harold.
And I assume you don't want me to go back on my part?
Indeed, not.
So Fiona and Charming will be together?
Yes.
Oh, believe me Harold. It's what's best.
not only for your daughter...
but for your kingdom.
But what am I supposed to do about it?
Use your imagination.
THE POISON APPLE
Come on in your majesty.
Excuse me...
Do I know you?
Err... you must me mistaking me for someone.
Err... excuse me. I err... am looking for the ugly step sister...
Aah... there you are... right...
You see, I need to have someone taken care of...
Who's the guy?
he's not guy per se....ehm...
He's... ogre
Hey, buddy. Let me clue you in.
There's only one fella who can handle a job like that...
And frankly,... he don't like to be disturbed.
Where could I find him?
Hello?
Who dares to enter my room?
Sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting
but I'm told you're the one to talk to about an... ogre... problem?
You're told correct.
But for these I charge a great deal of money.
Would... this be enough?
You have engaged my... valuable services.
Your majesty.
Just tell me... where can I find this ogre?
Everyone says I'm getting down to low
Everyone says,"You just gotta let it go"
You just gotta let it go.
I need some sleep. Time to put the old bones down.
I'm in too deep and the wheels keep spinning round...
Everyone says - You just gotta let it go.
Dear knight, I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude.
Dear diary,
Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow...
but dad says I can't go.
He never lets me out after sunset.
Dad says I'm going away for a while,...
Must be like some finishing school or something.
Mom says that when I'm old enough,
my handsome prince Charming will rescue me from my tower
and bring me back to my family.
And we'll all live happily ever after.
Mrs. Fiona Charming
Mrs. Fiona Charming...
Sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting or anything...
No, no,... I was just reading a...
a scary book.
I was hoping you'd let me apologize for my despicable behaviour earlier
OK?
I don't know what came over me...
Do you suppose we can just pretend it never happened and start over?
Your majesty, I just...
Call me dad.
Dad,...
We both acted like ogres.
Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other.
Excellent idea.
I was actually hoping you might join me for morning hunt
I know it would mean the world to Fiona.
Shall we say 7:30 by the old oak?
Face it, Donkey. We're lost.
We can't be lost. We followed the king's instructions exactly.
What did he say: head for the deepest darkest part of the wood.
Aye.
Pass the sinister trees with those scary looking branches.
Check
And there's that bush that's shaped like Shirley Bassey
We passed that bush three times already!
Hey, you were the one who said you don't wanna stop and get directions!
Ah, great...
My one chance to fix things up with Fiona's dad
and I end up lost in the woods with you!
Alright. You don't have to get all hoppy with me. I'm, only trying to help.
I know, I know.
I'm sorry, alright?
Hey, don't worry about it.
I just really need to make things work with this guy.
Yeah, sure. Now let's go bond with daddy.
Well, well, Donkey.
I know it was kind of a tender moment but... but the purring?!
What are you talking about? I ain't purring.
Oh, sure. What's next, a hug?
Hey, Shrek. Donkeys don't purr. Who do you think I am, some kinda...
Ha-ha! Fear me! If you dare.
Hey look! A little cat.
Look out , Shrek. We got a beast.
It's a cat, Donkey. Come here little kitty, kitty.
Come on.
O-ho, come here little kitty.
Oh, Shrek, I'm coming.
Come on!
Get it off!
GET IT OFF!
Look out Shrek!
GET IT OFF!
Hold still!
Did I miss?
No...
You got them!
Now the ogre.
Pray for mercy from -
Puss... in Boots
I'll kill that cat!
Hair ball
Ah, that is nasty!
What do you reckon we should do with him?
I say we take the sword and neuter him right here.
Give him the bar-barber treatment.
Oh, mercy! Please!
I implore you. It was nothing personal senor
I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she's sick
My father lives on the garbage.
The king offered me much in gold... and I have a little brother...
Wow, oh-oh-oh. Fiona's father paid you to do this?
The rich king? Si.
Well, so much for dad's royal blessing.
Oh, come on, Shrek. Don't feel bad.
Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you.
Gee, thanks.
Maybe Fiona would have been better off if I were some sort of prince Charming?
See, that's what the king said.
Oh! Err...sorry. I thought the question was directed at me.
Shrek. Fiona knows you'll do anything for her.
It's not like I wouldn't change if I could.
I... just wish I could make her happy.
Happiness.
A teardrop away.
Donkey, think of the saddest thing that ever happened to you.
Oh man, where do I begin?
First there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans
I never got over this.
Then this fool would often have a party
and he'd have all the kids trying to pin a tail on me.
Then they all got drunk and started beating me with a stick
Penada, penada!
What is a penada anyway?
No Donkey. I need you to cry.
Yeah. Well. don't go projecting on me.
I know what you're feeling man. But you gotta let your own..
You little hairy... licking sucker...
Is it on? Is it on?
this is fairy godmother.
I am either away from my desk or with a client.
But if you come by the office, we'd be glad to make you a personal appointment.
Have a happy ever after.
Oh, are you up for a little quest, Donkey?
that's more like it. Shrek and Donkey on another worldwide adventure.
Ain't no stopping us now...
Stop Ogre!
I have misjudged you.
Join the club. We've got jackets.
My honour. I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life
but you have to spare me mine.
Sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken.
Let go, Shrek!
Shrek?
Shrek!
Come on Donkey. Look at him.
This wee little ...
How many cats can wear boots?
Honestly. Let's keep him.
What!
Oh, listen. He's purring.
Oh, so now he's cute.
Oh, come on Donkey. Lighten up!
I should lighten up. Look who's teeling who to lighten up.
Shrek.
Shrek?
They're both festive, aren't they?
What do you think, Harold?
Ahem... yes. yes. Fine, fine.
Try to pretend that you're at least interested in your daughter's wedding ball.
Honestly Lilian. I don't think it really matters.
How do we know that there’s even going to be a ball?
Mom! Dad!
Oh, hello dear.
What's that Cedric? Right. Coming.
Mom, have you seen Shrek?
I haven't. You should ask your father.
Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning.
Can I help you, your majesty?
Ah,yes. Exquisite. What do you call this dish?
That would be the dog's breakfast, your majesty.
Ah, yes. Very good. Carry on, Cedric.
Dad, have you seen Shrek?
No, I haven't, dear.
I'm sure he went off to look for a nice mud hole to cool down in.
After your little spat last night.
Oh, you heard that, hah?
Darling, the whole kingdom heard you.
I mean, after all it is in his nature to be a bit of a... brute.
Him? Well you know you didn't exactly roll out the welcome wagon.
What did you expect? Look at what he's done to you.
Shrek loves me for who I am.
I would think you'd be happy for me.
Honey, I'm just thinking about what's best for you.
Maybe you should do the same.
No!? Really?
Ooh...
Oh,no, that's old keepless place Let's just back away slowly.
That's the fairy godmother's cottage.
She's the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom.
Then why don't we pop in there for a spell?
Spell?
Hi. I'm here to see the...
fairy godmother.
I'm sorry, She's not in.
Jerome. Coffee and a magic crystal. Now!
Yes, fairy godmother. Right away.
Look, she's not seeing any client today, OK?
Not OK, buddy. We're from the Union.
The Union?
We represent the workers in all magical industries - both evil and benign.
Oh...oh...alright.
Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?
Err... a little.
We don't even have dental.
Don't even have dental...
OK. We're just gonna have a look around.
Oh, by the way. I think it'd be better if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here?
You know what I'm saying, eh?
Of course. Go right in.
Drop of desire.
Naughty
A pinch of passion
And just a hint of...lust.
Excuse me?
Sorry to barge in like this... but
What in Grimm's name are you doing here?
Well... it seems that Fiona is not exactly... happy.
Oh, there's some question as to why that is?
Well, let's explore that, shall we?
Ah... P, p, p... Princess
Cinderella
Here we are. ...lived happily ever after.
No ogres.
Let's see Snow White.
Handsome prince. Oh... no ogres.
Sleeping Beauty. Oh! No ogres.
Hansel and Gretel. No.
Thumbelina. No!
The Golden Bird, The Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman...
NO! NO! No! No! You see?
Ogres don't live happily ever after.
All right. Look lady!
Don't you point those dirty green sausages at me!
Crystal and coffee... Oh... Sorry.
Ah, that's OK. We were just leaving.
Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss godmother.
Just... go.
Come on, guys.
Working hard, hey Mac?
POTION ROOM
Hey man, you wanna get your boot outa my face? That stinks!
Well, you don't exactly smell like a basket of roses.
One of these has got to help.
Oh, I was just concocting this very plan.
Already our minds are becoming one.
When we need an expert on licking ouselves, we'll give you a call.
Shrek, this is a bad idea.
Look. Make yourself useful and go keep watch.
Puss, do you think you could get to those on top?
No problemo, boss. In one of my nine lives I was the great burglar
of Santiago de Compostella!
Shrek,
Donkey, keep watch.
Keep watch. Yeah I'm gonna keep watch
What do you see?
Toads softener?
Oh, yeah. I'm sure a nice B.M. is the perfect solution for marital problems.
Alca seltzer?
No, try "handsome".
Sorry, no "handsome'.
How about "Happily ever after"?
Well, what does it do?
It says: beauty divine.
You know, in some cultures donkeys are revered as the wisest of all creatures.
Especially us talking ones.
Donkey!
That will have to do. We got company.
Can we get over with this?
Nice catch, Donkey.
Finally.
COME ON!
I don't care whose fault it is. Just get this place cleaned up!
Yes, fairy godmother.
And somebody bring me something deep fried and smothered in chocolate.
Mother.
Charming. Sweetheart.
This isn't a good time, pumpkin. Mamma's working.
What happened here?
The ogre. That's what.
What!
Where is he, mamma?
I shall rend his head from his shoulders.
I will smite him where he stands.
He will rue the very day he stole my kingdom from me!
Oh, put it away, junior. You still gonna be king.
We've just gonna have to come up with something smarter, that's all
Pardon. Everything is accounted for, Fairy Godmother.
Except for one potion.
What?
I do believe we can make this work to our advantage.
Happily Ever After potion. Maximum strength.
For you and your true love.
If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine:
happiness, comfort and beauty divine.
You both will be fine?
I guess it means it will affect Fiona too.
Hey, man. This don't feel right.
My donkey senses are tingling all over.
Why don't you just drop that jug of voodoo and let's get outta here.
It says: beauty divine. How bad can it be?
I see you're allergic to that stuff. You're gonna have a reaction.
And if you think that I'm gonna be smearing baby rub all over your chest...
think again.
Just in case there's something wrong with the potion...
allow me to take the first sip.
It would be an honour to lay my life on the line for you.
Ah, no, no, no... I don't think so.
if there's gonna be any animal testing, I'm gonna do it...
That's the best friend's job. Now give me that bottle.
How do you feel?
Well, I don't feel... any different
Do I look any different?
You look like an ass to me.
Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys.
Well, here's to us, Fiona.
Shrek!
If you drink that, there's no going back.
I know.
But no more wallowing in the mud?
No more itsy butt crack?
I know!
But you love being an ogre.
But I love Fiona more.
Shrek, no! Wait!
I think you grabbed the fartier ... of the potion.
Maybe it's a dud.
Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be.
O-oh, what did I tell you? I think something coming on.
I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die!
I DON'T WANNA DIE! Oh, Please...
I am melting!... I'm melting... I'M MELTI-I-ING!...
It's just the rain, Donkey.
All right.
Oh, Shrek, don't worry. Things seem bad 'cause it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman wacky
It'd be better in the morning.
You'll see.
The sun'll come out...
tomorrow.
Bit your bottom dollar...
Bit my bottom?
Donkey?
Are you all right?
Hey, boss. Let's shave him.
Do-do-donkey...
There you are. We missed you at dinner.
What is it, darling?
Dad, I've been thinking about what you said.
And... I'm gonna set things right.
Excellent. That's my girl.
It was a mistake to bring Shrek here.
I'm gonna go out and find him.
And then we're gonna go back to the swamp where we belong.
Fiona! Please.
Err... let's stop being rash, darling
Fiona! - Fiona!
Look, look... - Shh... quiet.
Good morning, sleepy head.
Good morning! - We love your kitty.
My head...
Here, I fetched you a pail of water.
Oh, eh,... thanks.
A cute button nose,...
thick wavy locks?!...
Taut round buttocks?!
I'm... I'm...
Gorgeous
I'll say. - I'm Jill. What's your name?
I'm... Shrek.
Shrek? Wow!
Are you from Europe?
You're so tense.
I wanna rub your shoulders. - I got it covered, thanks. - I don't have anything to rub.
Well, get in line.
Have you, ladies, seen my donkey?
Who are you calling "donkey"?
Donkey?! You're a...
A stallion, baby! I can whinny!
I can ...
Look at me, Shrek!
I'm trotting.
That's some quality potion. What's the next stuff?
Oh, don't drink the potion
Warning! Side effects may include: burning, itching, oozing, weeping...
Not intended for heart patients, or those with nervous disorders.
What?
Senor! To make the effects of this potion permanent
the drinker must obtain his true love's kiss...
...by midnight.
Midnight? Why is it always midnight?
Pick me! I'll be your true love. - I'll be your true love...
I'll be true... enough.
Look. Ladies, I already have a true love.
But take it from me, boss. You're going to have one satisfied princess.
Let's face it. You are ...
But inside you're still the same old mean, salty
cantankerous... -All right then!
...angry ogre you've always been. - And you're still the same annoying donkey!
Yeah!
Well, look out princess! Here comes the new me!
First things first. We need to get you out of those clothes.
Ready? - Ready!
Stop!
God, help me, please!!!
I'm blind! I'm blind! Never be able to play the violin again.
Oh, you poor creature. Is there anything I can do for you?
Well, I guess there is... one thing
Take off the powder wig and step away from your drawers!
Not bad. - Not bad at all.
Father? Is everything all right, father?
Thank you, gentlemen.
Some day I will repay you.
Unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
Turn faces, strange changes
Don't wanna be a richer one.
Turn faces, strange changes
Just gonna have to be a different man.
Time may change me. But I can't trace time.
Halt! Tell princess Fiona her husband Sir Shrek is here to see her!
Still don't know what I was looking for
And my time was running wild A million dead-end streets...
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
Fiona!
Shrek?
Time may change me But I can’t trace time...
Fiona!
Hello, handsome.
Shrek!
Princess!
Donkey?!
Wow, that potion worked on you too, hah!
What potion?
It's kind of a long story but see, Shrek and I took some magic potion...
... and well, now... we're sexy!
Shrek?
For you, baby... I could be.
Yeah, you wish.
Donkey, where is Shrek?
He just went inside looking for you.
Shrek!
Fiona!
You wanna dance, pretty boy?
Where are you going so soon?
Don't you wanna see your wife?
Fiona.
Shrek?
Aye, Fiona. It is me.
What happened to your voice?
Err... the potion changed a lot of things, Fiona...
but not the way I feel about you.
Fiona?
Charming?
Ah, do you think so?...
dad.
I was so hoping you'd approve.
Who are you?
Mom, it's me: Shrek.
I know you never get a second chance of a first impression...
but well... What do you think?
Fiona! Fiona!!!
FIONA!
Fiona! -Fiona! Fiona!
I don't think they can hear us pigeon.
Don't you think you've already messed her life up enough?
I just wanted her to be happy.
And now she can be. Oh, sweetheart.
She's finally found the prince of her dreams.
But look at me. Look what I've done for her.
It's time you stopped living in a fairy tale, Shrek.
She's a princess. And you're an ogre.
That's something no amount of potion is ever going to change.
But... I love her.
If you really love her. You'll let her go.
Shrek? - Senor?
Hey! What's going on?
Where are you going?
You wouldn't have had anything to do with this, would you Harold?
People just ain't no good
A thing that's well understood.
There you go, boys
Just leave the bottle, Boris.
Hey, why the long face?
It was all just a stupid mistake.
I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place.
I hate Mondays.
I can't believe you gonna just walk away from the best thing that ever happened to you.
What choice do I have? She loves that pretty boy...
Prince Charming.
Ah, come on now. Is he really that good looking?
Are you kidding? He's gorgeous.
He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels.
Hmm. he sounds dreamy.
You know, shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better.
Look guys. It's for the best.
Mom and dad approve and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of.
Everybody wins.
Except for you. I don't get it, Shrek. You love Fiona.
Aye... And that's why I have to let her go.
Ah...ahem... excuse me. Is she...? - She's in the back.
Oh! Hello again.
Fairy godmother... Charming.
You'd better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Harold.
I'm afraid Fiona isn't really warming up to prince Charming.
Not my fault.
Of course it's not, dear.
I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend to be I'm dreadful ogre.
It's nobody's fault. Perhaps it's best if we call this whole thing off, OK?
What? - What?
I mean you can't force someone to fall in love...
How I hate to differ. I do it all the time.
Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses...
which will be Charming.
Err...no.
What... did you say?
I... I can't. I won't do it.
Yes you will. If you remember I helped you with your happily ever after.
And I can take it away just as easily.
Is it what you want?
Is it?
No.
Good boy. Now, we have to go.
I need to do Charming's hair before the ball.
You know it's all high in the front. You can never get to the back.
You know you always need someone to do the back of your hair.
Thank you, mother.
MOTHER!?
Err... a talking horse.
The ogre.
Stop them!
Far Far Away royal ball blow out.
Miss Muffet's curds and whey
Everyone who's anyone has turned up to honour Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek...
and oh my!... the outfits look gorgeous.
Look! Hansel and Gretel!
And right behind them: Tom Thumb and Thumbelina...
Aren't they adorable?
Here comes Sleeping Beauty...
Who's this? Who's this?
Oh! It's the one. It's the only. It's the Fairy Godmother.
Hello, Far Far Away!
May all your endings be happy and... ah, you know the rest.
Medieval Entertainment
We'll be right back with the royal Far Far Away ball
after these messages.
I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears.
Put over to Wheel of Torture
I'm not flipping anywhere, Sir, until I see Shrek and Fiona.
Bad wizards on you, guys. Hey mice, pass me a buffalo wing.
No, no to your left. YOUR LEFT!
Tonight on Knights...
Ah! Now here's a good show.
We got a white bronco headed east into the forest.
Requesting back-up.
This time for the men in steel to teach this madcap
that this devil-may-care attitude just won't
Please,...
I have to talk with Princess Fiona.
Will they get away with it? Or did someone let the cat out of the bag?
Oh! Get it off!
Captain, if I say it's not mine?
Find Princess Fiona!
I'm a donkey!
Quick! Rewind it!
Shrek!
I'm her husband Shrek!
Darling?
I thought I might find you here. How about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball?
I'm not going.
But the whole kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage.
There's just one problem. That' not my husband.
I mean, look at him.
Yes, he is a bit different. But people change for the ones they love.
You'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother.
Change? He's completely lost his mind.
Darling, why not come down to the ball and give him another chance?
You might find you like this new Shrek.
But it's the old one I fell in love with, dad...
I'd give anything to have him back.
Darling, that's mine. Decaf. Otherwise I,m up all night.
Thanks.
I wanna ... my Miranda rights. I have the right to remain silent.
No one said I have the right to remain silent
Donkey! You HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack is the capacity.
I must hold in before I too go totally mad.
Shrek?
Donkey?
Too late.
Gingie. Pinocchio! Get us out of here!
Quick! Tell a lie!
Err, what shall I say?
Anything but quick!
Say something crazy like: I'm wearing ladies' underwear.
I err... am wearing ladies' underwear.
Are you?
I most certainly am not!
It looks like you most certainly are.
Am not!
What kind?
It's a thong.
They are briefs.
Hey, wait... Hey!
What?
Puss!
Sorry, boss.
Quit messing around. We've gotta stop that kiss!
I thought you was gonna let her go?
I was but I can\t let them do this to Fiona.
That's what I wanted to hear. Look who's finally coming around.
Impossible! The castle is guarded and there's a moat and everything!
Well folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a popsickle stick.
Do you still know the muffin man?
Well ,sure. He's down on Dreary Lane. Why?
Because we're gonna need flour. Lots and lots of flour.
Gingy!
Fire up the ovens Muffin Man. We've got a big order to fill.
It's... alive!
Go, Mongo, go!
There it is, Mongo. To the castle!
No, no, no, you great stupid pastry! Come on!
Mongo! Down here! Look at the pony!
That's right. Follow the pretty pony.
Pretty pony wants to play at the castle.
Ladies and gentlemen! Presenting Princess Fiona
and her new husband, Prince Shrek!
Shrek, what are you doing?
I'm just... playing the part, Fiona.
Is that glitter on your lips?
Cherry flavoured. Want to taste?
What is with you?!
Muffin cake.
C minor. Put in C minor.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to dedicate this song to...
Princess Fiona..
and Prince Shrek.
Fiona, my princess, do you honour me... with the dance?
Where have all the good men gone and
where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules To fight the rising odds?
Since when do you dance?
Fiona my dearest, if there's one thing I know, is that love
is full of surprises.
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need
Hit it!
I need a hero
All right, big fella. Let's crash this party.
Fire the catapult!
Fire!
The gumdrop button
It's coming!...
All right!
Somewhere after midnight In my wildest fantasy
Go, Mongo! GO!
After you, Mongo!
That's it.
Watch out!
More heat! Let's go.
Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear that there's someone somewhere watching me
COME ON!
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be strong And it's gotta be soon And he's gotta be larger than life
Puss!
Go! Go! Your lady needs you. GO!
Today... I repay my debt.
En guarde!
And he's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero...
STOP!
Hey! You! Back away from my wife!
Shrek?
You couldn't just go back to your swamp.. and
live well enough alone.
No! - Pigs on blanket.
Pinocchio! Get the wand!
I'm a real boy!...
Look out!
I'm a real... ha!
It's mine! That's mine!
Pray for mercy from - Puss
And Donkey!
She's taken the potion. Kiss her now!
No-o!
Fiona.
Shrek.
Harold! You were supposed to give her the potion!
Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea.
Mummy!
Mummy?
I told you ogres don't live happily ever after!
Dad.
Is he up?
He croaked.
Harold?
Dad?
I thought you'd never see me like this.
-Hey, you gave me a hard time. -Donkey!
No, no, he's right. I'm sorry...
to both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona.
But I can see now. She already has it.
Shrek, Fiona...
Will you accept an old frog's appologies?
and... my blessing.
Harold.
I'm sorry Lilian. I just wish I could be the man you deserve.
You're more that man today than you ever were.
warts and all.
Boss! The Happy TOgether Ever After Potion.
Midnight.
Fiona. Is this what you want?...
to be this way forever. - What?
'cause if you kissed me now we can stay like this.
You'd do that?... For me?
Yes.
I want what every princess wants: to live happily ever after.
With the ogre I married.
Whatever happens... I must not cry.
You cannot make me... cry...
No, no, no... NO!
You still look like a noble steed to me.
Now. Where were we?
I remember.
Aren't we supposed to be having a fiesta?
Uno, dos, quatro... Hit it!
She's in superstitions black cats and voodoo dolls...
You feel a premonition. That girl's gonna make me fall.
Hey, gorgeous..